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Category Archives: Internet

Right, where was I?

Right, where was I?

It’s here!
My new blogging home is taking shape and I’d love you to go over there and check it out in situ, so you can give me your first impressions of my creative efforts.

It is still in the development stage at the moment, but it will be up and running very soon.

Just click where it says “Return of the Internet Nobody”…

RETURN OF THE INTERNET NOBODY

So here we are on a brand new blog, which I’ve decided to call Return of the Internet Nobody, because it didn’t appear to be broken, so I didn’t fix it. Well, I did give myself a definite article, by way of a promotion.

The Internet Nobody sounds a bit more important than just being any old nobody and I have been at this blogging lark for over five years now, so I figured I deserved some recognition, even if it was only from myself.

I’m still in the process of tinkering with the overall layout of this blog, so you’ll notice new pages and widgets being added over the next few weeks, because it’s always fun to play with new toys. In fact, the whole point of this post is so I can see what it looks like when I add new content over the top of my…

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Budget blogging, maxed out media and the Next Big Step…

I would have liked to begin this post with a nice, eye-catching photo, but I can’t, because, as of yesterday, Diary of an Internet Nobody is full.

I suppose I realised, in a tangential, vague sort of way, that there was a limit to the number of media files I could upload on my free WordPress plan, but I hadn’t actually considered what reaching that limit would result in.

Now I know.

No. More. Pictures.

I really don’t like the sound of that, not at all.

When I first started blogging, five years ago, I had no idea what I would do with my own little corner of the internet; it was just another experiment in what could be achieved with my trusty phone, a void to shout nonsense into, in the hope someone would listen.

But it evolved, it grew extra parts, it multiplied, it spawned siblings and bred with other blogs to produce interesting hybrids, it settled into its own comfortable space in the blogosphere and started to enjoy itself. It discovered there was more to being a blog than just words.

The most enjoyable extraliterary elements, for me anyway, are the photography/video/animation projects, which have continued to evolve as smartphone technology rapidly develops more complex apps and software, enabling me to dabble in almost any medium I fancy, for just a few quid or, more often than not, for free.

I have always loved taking pictures, ever since I was a kid, (although I’ve never owned anything more complicated than a 35mm point and shoot “instamatic” camera) so finding a phone which could produce high resolution photos and video was a big step in upping my game. And because the smartphone became my weapon of choice for blogging, it seemed only natural that I should employ it in the photographic phase of my own personal creative renaissance, too.

Meaning that, the more I got into blogging, the more photography I did.

And the more photography I did, the more I wanted to show off my newly-found skills and improvised audio visual experiments, to the point that I began a whole new blog to showcase my creative efforts.

However, Diary of an Internet Nobody was my first and proudest blogging achievement and I ended up wanting to post everything on here, for all you lovely people to admire and/or recoil from, depending on the vicissitudes of my oeuvre.

All of which creative outpourings have led to my current situation, a blog with no space left for further photographic adventures.

Which, as I see it, leaves me with four main options:

1 – Continue the blog, but with no pictures (not an option I’m willing to contemplate).

2 – Move to a paid WordPress plan, doubling my storage space in one go and gaining still more space by “optimising” media file sizes for future uploads (something to consider, although it means a double compromise; I have always promised myself that blogging would remain as cost-free as possible, as I cannot justify spending much-needed funds on what is, when all is said and done, a hobby. Plus, I don’t like the idea of lowering the resolution or quality of images I use on the blog, simply so I can add more of them) And what happens if I suddenly can’t afford to pay for it in a few years, will my lovingly crafted, lavishly illustrated journal of gibberish just cease to be?

3 – Delete old posts with photos in and/or link to copies of those posts on Photo Sans Frontiers, or possibly even use a completely new blog to archive photo posts in their entirety.

4 – Draw a line under this blog completely and leave it for anyone who wants to nose around it as it floats, adrift and rudderless in cyberspace.
Then I’d start a whole new free blog, carry on where I left off, possibly transferring my custom domain name to the new site (not that I’m even sure this is possible, so if anyone has any experience in such matters…?) and hope that I can persuade my loyal followers to…well, follow me, to pastures new.

Any thoughts?

I’ll have to make the decision soon, because I have a Cosmic Photo prompt to set on Friday and I’d like to be able to take part in my own feature, so if you would like to wade in with any advice, now’s your chance to help decide the fate of the blog you’ve gone to all this trouble to read.

 
 

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Twin Peaks, Twitter and me ‘n’ Chad in the Woolhouse…

It isn’t every day you get to be at ground zero for the start of an internet phenomenon, let alone claim some of the credit for its creation, but I think I can honestly say that I can for this one.

This weekend we reach season three, episode seven of Twin Peaks, with David Lynch and Mark Frost showcasing their extraordinary flair for surrealism, shocks, uncomfortable subject matter, awkward comedy and oblique plotlines as we are again treated to television as we’ve never seen it before.

By which I mean, the last time a show broke new ground like this was the original run of Twin Peaks back in the early ’90s; credited by so many producers of multi-strand, long arc storytelling since, as thing that made shows like the X-Files, the Sopranos and Lost even worth considering.

Although that isn’t to say it doesn’t have its detractors, even amongst the faithful fans who have waited so long for its return, despite the premiere screening getting a long-overdue standing ovation at Cannes Film Festival this year.

Yes, it can seem impenetrable, even obtuse at times, the way the many disparate storylines initially bear little or no connection to each other.

Yes, the pacing sometimes does make “the world’s most decrepit room service waiter” from season two look like an Olympic sprinter.

And yes, the tone and style of performances, especially in scenes featuring original cast members in the town of Twin Peaks, (as opposed to the many other locations the story takes us, this time round) is strangely melodramatic and the overall feel of the show is far more gritty and even horrific at times.

But this is Lynch we’re talking about here, so nothing should surprise us, and yet he manages to do just that at every turn.

All we can do is be patient with the Lynch/Frost creative gestalt and trust that our faith in their vision is rewarded in due course.

But aside from all that, the Woolhouse has been accruing an impressive array of celebrity followers and admirers, both on our original platform, the official Woolhouse Boys Facebook page (now on Instagram, too) and on Twitter.

Every tv drama has its hate figures; the ones portrayed so convincingly by an actor that they have abuse shouted at them in the street, a position usually held by the lead villain of the piece or wicked anti-hero, of which there are many in the new season. The same goes for favourite characters, of course, the ones enshrined in the great hive mind of fandom as impervious to besmirchment

But this is Twin Peaks fans, most of whom are scouring the internet for new theories and plot interpretations before the end credits finish rolling each week, so the power of the meme now holds sway over logic and sense, fans preferring to set up their own sitting ducks and sacred cows (the long-running James Hurley forehead meme is a good example) and the new shows are no exception.

Chad Broxford is a dick.

There are no two ways about it; Chad is crass, abrasive, obnoxious and arrogant, but worse still, he’s mean to Deputy Andy Brennan and his wife Lucy, a crime in itself to fans of the original series, so much so that he had already garnered a tide of “Fuck you, Chad” posts on the Twin Peaks Logposting®® page, before I made this nerd-baiting meme…

…resulting in a lot of “angery reacts” as the internet vernacular would put it.

Well, that was just a red rag to a troll bull as far as I was concerned, so I set about making as many Chad memes as I could, applying his cynical, sneering face to all sorts of Twin Peaks regulars and/or giving him a Woolhouse makeover:

All of which was most entertaining in and of itself, until it was suggested that it might be a good idea to seek out the actor, John Pirruccello, who does such a great job of bringing Chad to life, via his Twitter account.

I’d say it was cutting a long story short, but I fear I’m too late for that, nevertheless what happened next can best be illustrated by these screenshots from Twitter:

…etc etc etc.

Wow! A real life Hollywood star is on my Twitter feed! 

Not only that, he is a really lovely bloke with a great sense of humour, who not only retweets all the silly Woolhouse nonsense, but my blog posts, too and even a plug for my book.

So, emboldened by our initial success at attracting genuine celebrities into our daft corner of the Wooled Wide Web, I began a campaign of fishing for other Twin Peaks cast members on Twitter. 

And, only an hour or so later, after making a rather neat job of sweaterisation on the mysterious “burned man in the cell” (even if I do say so myself)

…I was delighted to receive a reply from the actor who plays him, the excellent Stewart Strauss:

And so it begins, the Cult of Chad (yes, that’s actually our latest Facebook page) and the mission to induct as many stars of the show as we can into the Woolhouse Boys.

Why not come and join us? It’s the best thing on the internet right now and, in a world where the news is generally bad and celebrities are often vacuous and aloof, it’s great to find that, just sometimes, you can meet your heroes and not lose faith in the magic they create.

Update:

 

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#atozchallenge: B is for Billy…

Today, the second outing in my second month of daily posting, takes the form of an update to a previous post, namely my involvement with The Woolhouse Boys and our collective mission to bring the timeless style of John Justice Wheeler‘s knitwear to the masses.

For those of you who are still confused and didn’t click that helpful link back there, here’s a brief recap;
The Woolhouse Boys are a humorous Facebook group who have taken to Photoshopping the aforementioned woollen garment (worn by Zane’s character in Twin Peaks, Jack Wheeler) into as many scenes in the show as possible and into David Lynch movies in general, (along with an increasingly wide-ranging number of other shows and movies) mainly for our own childish entertainment, but with the ultimate aim of attracting some sort of endorsement from Mr Zane himself.

To this end, we’ve been spreading the woolly word, via the lovely Tumblr feed and on the official @Woolhouseboys Twitter, where new season Twin Peaks cast member, Amy Shiels has already registered her support for our cause.
Such is the dedication of our Founding Weavers, to spreading the Good Word of the Wool, that one of them is even in the process of having a replica sweater made and it is this that finally provoked the reaction we were hoping for.

The guys who run the Twitter account have been doing their best to lure John Justice Wheeler into the Woolhouse and, much to our delight, it was one of Billy’s own tweets which gave them the chance they needed. 

Below is the series of tweets which warmed our woolly hearts, beginning with the first time somebody alerted him to the whole Woolhouse phenomenon…

…followed by the one which confirmed that that The Sweater used in the original series was indeed his dad’s and prompted the obvious question…

…to which Billy Zane (yes, that one, the ACTUAL Billy Zane) replied…

…and then the ultimate accolade for the loyal knitters and their labour of love:

How about that for an endorsement, not bad, eh?

Fingers are still firmly crossed in the Woolhouse, in the hope that Lynch has written a good yarn for Jack to unravel for us in the upcoming Twin Peaks revival, but until then we’ll keep the woollen flag flying and continue in our quest to sweaterise the internet.

#atozchallenge: B is for Billy…

 

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Interview: Deano’s Grill…

Today I’m pleased to share with you an interview I did for James D Mortain a few weeks ago. 
The format of the interview itself was very novel, (no pun intended) given that it was carried out by a fictional detective called Andrew ‘Deano’ Deans and he gave me a gentle but thorough grilling about The Wrong Stuff and writing in general.

Please hop over via the link below, check out our chat and have a look round at his site.

***GUY THAIR AT DEANO’S GRILL : WRITING THE WRONG STUFF***

***BUY YOUR COPY OF THE WRONG STUFF HERE***

 

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Random photo mashup…

Did you hear the bizarre story this week, about Sky TV’s (unsurprisingly cancelled) drama about Michael Jackson, starring Joseph Fiennes?

Well I was chatting to a friend about that doomed project on Facebook today, which led to a discussion about which inappropriate actors could be cast as recently departed musical icons.

While she suggested that Samuel L Jackson and Denzel Washington should star in Wham: The Final Stand, I quite fancied the idea of David Bowie: Heroes to Ashes starring Ray Winstone and Lemmy: Last Wild Man of Rock with Peewee Herman in the lead role.

But my friend wasn’t convinced:

“Both good choices.  Though I fear they are a little too Caucasian to portray these roles effectively”

She was right, of course, so I reevaluated my decision to have everyone’s favourite short, stocky, East End hard man play the Thin White Duke and instead went for everyone’s favourite smoldering, six-packed, tortured hard man, Idris Elba.

This met with a great deal more enthusiasm, (to be honest, I think she’s got a bit of a weakness for him) so I thought I’d provide her with a visual interpretation of my casting idea and I was so pleased with the result that I’m sharing it with you, too.

You’re welcome.

{You’ll have to imagine Peewee as Lemmy, it was too disturbing to post} 

 

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New collaboration…

New collaboration…

I’ve always been sucker for getting involved in new projects, ever since I started blogging. 
Whether it’s taking part in Stream of consciousness Saturday Sunday, making up groan-inducing puns for One liner Wednesday, co-writing an ongoing space opera, or helping to curate a weekly interactive photography challenge, it has never taken much persuading to get me fired up about new ideas.

So the idea of working with a team of fellow writers on a completely new platform, on a blog dedicated to short fiction, well, it was an opportunity to good to pass up.

Just over a year ago, whilst idly scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed, I spotted a post from a site called FoulEnt, with a somewhat inflammatory but amusing headline, (I forget exactly which one it was, but as I have since discovered, that description could be applied to most of their output) so I clicked the bait and read the post. It was hilarious, I do remember that, so I liked their page and have followed the anarchic, sweary, laddish, occasionally near the knuckle but always entertaining posts ever since.

Soon after I read that first post, I sent a friend request to Frank King, (also known by his considerably more offensive, four letter pseudonym) one of FoulEnt’s small team of writers, and we immediately hit it off, sharing a similar sense of humour, a love of words and writing and a talent for talking bollocks.

It wasn’t long before I discovered that “Frank King” is in fact a sort of gestalt entity, made up of at least two different people (who, rather confusingly for me at first, all use the same messenger account) and that “he” was interested in opening a profile on the relatively new blogging platform, Niume.

The site gives writers, photographers and creatives in many other spheres of interest access to a ready made community of fellow users, with whom to share your work (the categories or interests on Niume are split up into a number of these Spheres, to enable you to target the right audience for your content, then you can follow whatever combination of spheres you choose, which then appear in your home feed, much like the WordPress reader) with the added bonus that the pages are pre-loaded with unobtrusive advertising, meaning you can make money simply from generating page views.
Each post must have a picture included, for use as a thumbnail, making the site very eye-catching and all you need to set up a profile is an e-mail address, which we have now done, the blog going live a couple of weeks ago.

I should warn you, (unnecessarily and rather belatedly, if you have already checked the FoulEnt link above) that there is adult humour and strong language in a lot of the posts, but they are also very well written and great fun to read. So far I have only contributed stories that were already written and published on this blog, as I’ve been too busy with promoting The Wrong Stuff recently to do anything else, but the Franks and co from FoulEnt have been coming up with some real gems and I really do recommend you go over and check out their work; it’s a totally different kettle of fish to their usual LadMag style and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised, not to mention impressed with the quality of their storytelling abilities.

Oh, and what was the name that was chosen for this new venture? Well, you know the sort of books you find in the smallest room in the house, the ones a considerate host will, if you’re lucky, provide for a comfortable read as you unburden yourself? What would you call that type of easily digestible, fun-size literary chunks?

How about Toileterature?

Yep, that’s us, so click the link or the logo above and come over to visit our lovely new Niume page and let Toileterature entertain you.

 

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